The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism

1. Q: What is the chief end of each individual Christian?
A: Each individual Christian's chief end is to get saved. This is the first and great commandment.

2. Q: And what is the second great commandment?
A: The second, which is like unto it, is to get as many others saved as he can.

3. Q: What one work is required of thee for thy salvation?
A: It is required of me for my salvation that I make a Decision for Christ, which meaneth to accept Him into my heart to be my personal lord and saviour

4. Q: At what time must thou perform this work?
A: I must perform this work at such time as I have reached the Age of Accountability.

5. Q: At what time wilt thou have reached this Age?
A: That is a trick question. In order to determine this time, my mind must needs be sharper than any two-edged sword, able to pierce even to the division of bone and marrow; for, alas, the Age of Accountability is different for each individual, and is thus unknowable.

6. Q: By what means is a Decision for Christ made?
A: A Decision for Christ is made, not according to His own purpose and grace which was given to me in Christ Jesus before the world began, but according to the exercise of my own Free Will in saying the Sinner's Prayer in my own words.

7. Q: If it be true then that man is responsible for this Decision, how then can God be sovereign?
A: He cannot be. God sovereignly chose not to be sovereign, and is therefore dependent upon me to come to Him for salvation. He standeth outside the door of my heart, forlornly knocking, until such time as I Decide to let Him in.

8. Q: How then can we make such a Decision, seeing that the Scripture saith, we are dead in our trespasses and sins?
A: By this the Scripture meaneth, not that we are dead, but only that we are sick or injured in them.

9. Q: What is the assurance of thy salvation?
A: The assurance of thy salvation is, that I know the date on which I prayed the Sinner's Prayer, and have duly written this date on an official Decision card.

10. Q: What is thy story? What is thy song?
A: Praising my Savior all the day long.

11. Q: You ask me how I know he lives?
A: He lives within my heart.

12. Q: And what else hast thou got in thine heart?
A: I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.

13. Q: Where??
A: Down in my heart!

14. Q: Where???
A: Down in my heart!!

15. Q: What witness aid hath been given us as a technique by which we may win souls?
A: The tract known commonly as the Four Spiritual Laws, is the chief aid whereby we may win souls.

16. Q: What doth this tract principally teach?
A: The Four Spiritual Laws principally teach, that God's entire plan for history and the universe centereth on me, and that I am powerful enough to thwart His divine purpose if I refuse to let Him pursue His Wonderful Plan for my life.

17. Q: What supplementary technique is given by which we may win souls?
A: The technique of giving our own Personal Testimony, in the which we must always be ready to give an answer concerning the years we spent in vanity and pride, and the wretched vices in which we wallowed all our lives until the day we got saved.

18. Q: I'm so happy, what's the reason why?
A: Jesus took my burden all away!

19. Q: What are the means given whereby we may large crowds of souls in a spectacular manner?
A: Such a spectacle is accomplished by means of well-publicized Crusades and Revivals which (in order that none may be loath to attend) are best conducted anywhere else but in a Church.

20. Q: Am I a soldier of the Cross?
A: I am a soldier of the Cross if I join Campus Crusade, Boys' Brigade, the Salvation Army, or the Wheaton Crusaders; of if I put on the helmet of Dispensationalism, the breastplate of Pietism, the shield of Tribulationism, and the sword of Zionism, having my feet shod with the gospel of Arminianism.

21. Q: Who is your boss?
A: My boss is a Jewish carpenter.

22. Q: Hath God predestined vessels of wrath to Hell?
A: God hath never performed such an omnipotent act, for any such thing would not reflect His primary attribute, which is Niceness.

23. Q: What is sanctification?
A: Sanctification is the work of my free Will, whereby I am renewed by having my Daily Quiet Time.

24. Q: What rule hath God for our direction in prayer?
A: The rule that we must bow our hands, close our heads, and fold our eyes.

25. Q: What doth the Lord's Prayer teach us?
A: The Lord's Prayer teacheth us that we must never memorize a prayer, or use one that hath been written down.

26. Q: What's the book for thee?
A: The B-I-B-L-E.

27. Q: Which are among the first books which a Christian should read to his soul's health?
A: Among the first books which a Christian should read are the books of Daniel and Revelation, and The Late Great Planet Earth.

28. Q: Who is on the Lord's side?
A: He who doth support whatsoever is done by the nation of Israel, and who doth renounce the world, the flesh, and the Catholic Church.

29. Q: What are the seven deadly sins?
A: The seven deadly sins are smoking, drinking, dancing, card-playing, movie-going, baptizing babies, and having any creed but Christ.

30. Q: What is a sacrament?
A: A sacrament is an insidious invention devised by the Catholic Church whereby men are drawn into idolatry.

31. Q: What is the Lord's Supper?
A: The Lord's Supper is a dispensing of saltines and grape juice, in the which we remember Christ's command to pretend that they are His body and
blood.

32. Q: What is baptism?
A: Baptism is the act whereby, by the performance of something that seems quite silly in front of everyone, I prove that I really, really mean it.

33. Q: What is the Church?
A: The Church is the tiny minority of individuals living at this time who have Jesus in their hearts, and who come together once a week for a sermon, fellowship and donuts.

34. Q: What is the office of the keys?
A: The office of the keys is that office held by the custodian.

35. Q: What meaneth "The Priesthood Of All Believers"?
A: The Priesthood Of All Believers meaneth that there exists no authority in the Church, as that falsely thought to be held by elders, presbyters, deacons, and bishops, but that each individual Christian acts as his own authority in all matters pertaining to the faith.

36. Q: Who is the Holy Spirit?
A: The Holy Spirit is a gentleman Who would never barge in.

37. Q: How long hath the Holy Spirit been at work?
A: The Holy Spirit hath been at work for more than a century: expressly, since the nineteenth-century Revitalization brought about by traveling Evangelists carrying tents across America.

38. Q: When will be the "Last Days" of which the Bible speaketh?
A: The "Last Days" are these days in which we are now living, in which the Antichrist, the Beast, and the Thief in the Night shall most certainly appear.

39. Q: What is the name of the event by which Christians will escape these dreadful entities?
A: The event commonly known as the Rapture, in the which it is our Blessed Hope that all cars driven by Christians will suddenly have no drivers.

40. Q: When is Jesus coming again?
A: Maybe morning, maybe noon, maybe evening, and maybe soon.

41. Q: When the roll, roll, roll, is called up yonder, where will you be?
A: There.

42. Q: Hallelu, hallelu, hallelu, hallelujah!
A: Praise ye the Lord!

43. Q: Praise ye the Lord!
A: Hallelujah!

44. Q: Where will we meet again?
A: Here, there, or in the air.

45. Q: What can a pastor say while all heads are bowed?
A. Yes, I see that hand.

46. Q. How is a person saved?
A. If you walk this aisle…”

47. Q. And what requirement is there if you should fall into sin?
A. You just need to rededicate your life to God.

48. Q: Can I hear an Ay-men?
A: Ay-men.

Source

Theology: Matt Chandler

Irreverent, Silly Myths

Theology: Muslim Revolution

Here is some Theology from the Qur'an

Theology: Hermen Who? - Part 4

Part 4: Grammatical Historical Method of Interpretation

There is another complication that we have to deal with when reading the scripture, that is our separation/distance from the period in which it was spoken/written.

In my examples last week talking about baseball or Afghanistan in our modern American culture you know exactly what I mean. But that may not be the case if you live in Asia for example.

Let me give you five points to consider in order for us to understand what God is communicating when looking at a specific text:

1. Culture
- What life was like for the audience, traditions, customs, etc.
- What the geography is like, warm/cold, Mountains/desert, etc.

2. Setting
- For example in the book of judges there was no king to tell the people what to do.
- Were the Israelites in exile?

3. Language
- The meaning of a word is determined by context and usage

4. Time
- We have more scientific and historical knowledge that we can not impose on the understanding of the audience.

5. Covenant
- Old Testament: Quid Pro Quo
- New Testament: Spiritual

Take the time before getting into a book to research this information that is sometimes already in the introduction of some good study bibles.

Theology: Hermen Who? - Part 3

Part 3: Authorial Intent - What did the Author intend to say?

Despite what we hear in most churches and universities today we can not start our interpretation with the question 'What does that mean to me?"

This is so basic that we don't give it a second thought in our everyday life because its fundamental in communication. When you listen to a news report of soldiers dying in Afghanistan do you then say to your self, "I feel like they are telling us how life is hard and we should pray for world peace". Or your wife asks you to stop at the store for milk and to you that means she needs you to go to the bar with some friends and relax.

When we read the bible we need to ask ourselves the question, "What did God say?" It simply does not matter what are feelings/opinions are on a verse what matters is what does it say. Now those feelings/opinions may help us understand and determine the correct interpretation but we must always start with the author.

In our Baseball illustration we saw that Context played a big part in correctly interpreting the story, specifically in this case it was the 'Setting' that helped. Next week we will get into the different considerations we need to think about before reading scripture.

Theology: Hermen Who? - Part 2

Part 2: Presuppositions [Cont.] - What does this have to do with interpreting scripture?

Since we are talking about presuppositions that should clue you in to what the key is in answering the questions. The reason I like this illustration is that even knowing this it is still difficult to get the right answers.

The problem is that in reading anything, not just scripture, we have presuppositions that we don't even realize we are imposing on the text.

So lets look at this story one last time. This time I'll give you the 3 most important rules in interpretation to help you figure this out:

Context, Context, Context [Click]



He jogged a little ways and turned left. He jogged a little ways and turned left. He jogged a little ways, turned left and jogged back home.

As he was jogging home, he noticed two masked men waiting for him at home.

1. Who were the masked men?
2. Why did he leave home jogging?

I have yet to meet anyone that didn't have the look on their face that you have right now. Now you know exactly what you could not see before, and that's because you were presupposing a definition of the word 'Home' that the author did not intend.

As you see with that one little word you imposed an entire context that had nothing to do with what was going on, and therefore you were unable to answer 2 questions that are obvious if you were thinking baseball.

Please add your comments/questions/etc. and next week we will talk more about these issues we need to deal with in interpretation.

Theology: Hermen Who? - Reminder

Reminder - Read over the Theology blog for this week

Post your answers/thoughts/questions: Hermen Who? - Part 1

Part 2 coming next Thursday...

Theology: Hermen Who? - Part 1

Hermen Who? - Part 1

Hermeneutics: 'The Art and Science of Interpreting Scripture'

Part 1: Presuppositions - What does this have to do with interpreting scripture?

Here should be a fun exersice to help illustrate the point. I’ll tell you a story then ask you a couple of question, all you have to do is come up with the correct answer. If you already know the answer don’t give it away.

Once upon a time...

A man left home jogging.

He jogged a little ways and turned left. He jogged a little ways and turned left. He jogged a little ways, turned left and jogged back home.

As he was jogging home, he noticed two masked men waiting for him at home.

1. Who were the masked men?
2. Why did he leave home jogging?


Read it as many times as you need, though not as many brownie points if you need to. I’ll post the answers next week.